


Don't Take My Sunshine Away

by undeniable



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5549309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undeniable/pseuds/undeniable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel had moved to America as a kid and took dance classes. Now that he's 23 he meets a dashing young man around his age that sparks up his world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Take My Sunshine Away

The group of 13 stood in the middle of the floor in front of the mirror-covered walls and moved in step together without missing a beat as the music filled the room (it had been a song I had heard on the radio before, though I couldn't think of what it was called) and Chuck, the dance instructor, led them through at the front of the room where everyone was watching. Everything was happening as I was walking in with the coffee in my hands and he looked over at me and smiled before holding up his hand and signaling 'take five'. He turned the music off and walked towards me.

"Castiel, glad you got out of bed. I was beginning to think you weren't coming," he said with a chuckle and I smiled back at him before shrugging, taking another sip of the coffee in my hands.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had kind of a late night. Is this the class?" I motion towards the small group of a mix of teenagers and young adults.  

Chuck used to be my dancing instructor when I was a kid and throughout my teenage years before I moved on to professional dancing and doing thing with contests, charities, etc. I grew up in England and my mum moved to America with my brothers and I. Chuck and my mom dated for a while. He's the only father figure I've ever had, until my mum broke up with him and he didn't come over anymore. So I took his dance classes for kids, I was around the age of twelve at the time, just so I could see him more. It turned out I was a good dancer and improved very quickly. That's how I knew Chuck. 

"Yeah. There's a young man who just recently joined us that needs a little extra help and I think you'd wanna keep your eye on him," Chuck says with a cheeky smile and I roll my eyes.

"I'll help him after class. And stop it. If anyone hears you.."

"Castiel, there is nothing wrong with liking men. You are who you are, son," he said and scoffed. That's another thing. He called me son. A lot. 

"Well, yeah, but.. I just... How do you know he's into men?" I ask, shrugging a bit and faltering on my words.

"I'm friends with his uncle Bobby," he says simply and walks back towards the group. 

Typical Chuck. I sigh and turn to walk towards the bathrooms and run into someone. My coffee spills over him and I quickly apologize, panicking. My breath quickened and I felt like I was going to pass out. "Damn anxiety attack, not now," I say barely above a whisper so only I can hear. I think he heard by the look on his face when I finally look up at my victim.

He had the most perfect green eyes I had ever seen and I was stunned. Frozen on the spot by the sheer look of the man. He was a bit taller than me and had freckles coating his cheeks and his nose. He wore black jeans that complimented his red AC-DC shirt and red converse. I was in a trance and I hadn't noticed him speaking to me before I shook my head and furrowed my eyebrows, tilting my head?

"Pardon?" I ask and he smiles lightly.

"Hey, I'm Dean. I suppose you're Castiel," he says in a friendly tone and a sparkle in his eyes. 

"Oh.. hmm, uh, yeah. I'm Castiel. Pleasure to meet you, Dean. I uh.. Sorry for the umm.. coffee," I motion towards his shirt and he shrugs.

"I was on my way to change anyways," he says with a friendly smile and I nod slightly.

"Right, well...." my voice trails off and I jump when Chuck suddenly clasps my shoulder.

"Castiel, I see you've met Dean, my new student," Chuck says with a hint of mischief in his voice that I knew all too well.

"Ah.. yes. Don't you have some other poor soul to bother?" I ask and Chuck chuckles. (Haha, Chuck chuckle.)

"Well, you should go get dressed, Castiel. I know you don't like to dance in sweatpants," he says after his chuckle, which was very true. 

I laughed lightly and smiled at him before excusing myself from the both of them and heading towards the men's dressing room. I sling my bag from my shoulder and it hits the floor. I sigh and focus on breathing correctly, trying to calm down from the encounter with the green-eyed, miraculous, freckle-covered Dean. 

My breathe steadies and I begin taking my sweater off to change. I'm half-way into my new t-shirt when the door opens and I turn around, pulling it over me quickly. Dean walks in with a duffle bag and smiles at me before walking over to one of the locker benches and setting the bag down, taking his shirt off and I have a hard time not staring at his tan skin and prominent muscles. 

My cheeks heat up and I turn around, praying he won't look over here at all, and quickly change from my sweatpants that had been worn last night to bed and into a pair of jeans. I stuff my clothes into my bag and put it into an empty locker, closing it and walking towards the door quickly. I breathed deeply as I walked over to Chuck. We waited for a bit and finally everyone was in the room. I scanned over everyone and my jaw nearly dropped when I looked at Dean.

He wore a black Led Zeppelin tank-top with a pair of torn jeans and the same shoes as before, black converse. His biceps were probably bigger than my friggin' _head_. Ah.. yeah. Hot, yes. Making me borderline drool? Mhm. Chuck smiling in victory as he sees me gawk over Dean? Check, please.

My face turns red when Dean looks over and sees me practically choking over him. I immediately look away and face Chuck, who's smirking. 

"Told ya so," he whispers before turning towards the class.

"Attention," he says loudly and everyone turns to look at the two of us in front of them. Dean catches my eye and we stare at each other.

"Everyone, this is Castiel. He's been a student of mine for a little over 10 years. He's here to help me instruct class today and help you guys improve," he says and I don't say anything, my eyes glued to Dean.

I hadn't noticed everyone follow my gaze and now they were all looking back and forth between Dean and I. Chuck cleared his throat and my head snapped towards him, my eyes glancing at Dean one last time before furrowing my eyebrows at Chuck.

"Huh?" I ask, confused, and almost everyone bursts out into laughter. Everyone but me and Dean, who's still staring at me. 

"Alright, let's get started," Chuck says with a shake of his head.

The class did very well and at the end they were assigned partners. Since there were thirteen students one was left out and I had to work with that person. And it was Dean. Just my luck, right?

The routine we were working on was meant for one partner to be graceful with their movements and the other to be a bit more edgy and pop-like. The song was _Roundtable Rival_ by Lindsey Stirling, one of my absolute favorites of hers. I had noticed throughout class that Dean did in fact have a more aggressive tone to his movements than I, so we fit suit. 

Somewhere in the middle of the song there was a part where the edge-partner was supposed to dip the graceful-partner and guess what? Dean dropped me because a girl next to us bumped into him. I closed my eyes and felt the floor hit my back. The floors were concrete. Con-fucking-crete. I hissed when I made contact and Dean quickly pulled me to my feet, apologizing continuously. The girl turned around to apologize and hit Dean again by mistake, causing me to fall again. Only this time I hit my head. 

My vision blurred and the music in the background faded as someone stood above me. I couldn't see who it was but they seemed like they were yelling. Their shoulders were tense and before I knew it my head lolled back, darkness taking over my vision. 

I woke up with a wet, sticky feeling on my forehead and all over my body, really. I was laying down on something soft and I opened my eyes, sitting up. I looked around and saw that I was in an apartment of some sort. There was a very tall boy a few feet away from me with lengthy brown hair who was staring at his phone, typing rapidly. He glanced up at me and tuned his phone off, sliding it into his back pocket.

"Dean, he's up!" the boy called and I winced a the loudness of his voice. 

Dean emerged into the room and sighed in relief when he saw me. I scooted away from him slightly when he walked over. He furrowed his eyebrows and frowned before letting it go and looking up at the other male.

"Sammy, go talk to your boyfriend or something," Dean says and the boy, who I'm assuming is Sammy, rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, I wish. He's not my boyfriend, Dean. He doesn't even like men," he states and Dean waves him off.

The male left the room and I heard a door open and close before there was silence. I looked up at Dean and he was already staring at me. I swallowed and grabbed my forehead, feeling a wet cloth. I took it off and shifted in my seat. 

"You okay? You hit your head pretty hard," he states and I shrug, dead-panning the room around me. 

"My head hurts like hell. I'm drenched in sweat. I don't know where I am," I say in a monotone voice and he smiles.

"I'll get you an advil, you can take a shower if you want, and you're in my apartment. Me casa, su casa," he says with a smirk and I nod. 

He gets up and walks towards where I guess is the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water and a small white pill. I swallow the pill and nearly chug the water, earning a curious look from the boy. 

"Sorry," he says and I shake my head.

"Wasn't your fault," I say blankly and almost immediately. 

"I dropped you, it was my fault," he argues back and looks down almost shyly. "I'm clumsy, I know. I'm still getting the hang of thing and-"

"Dean. It's okay. I'm fine. All is well," I cut him off and he looks up with a cheeky smile.

"Okay. Yeah.. Okay.... Uh, do you wanna take a shower? I grabbed your bag for you. Or I can take you home, or whatever," he says and rubs the back of his neck.

I look over at a clock on the wall above a door and see the time.

"I was out for seven hours?!" I almost shriek and he jumps a bit, nodding.

"Shit," I mutter and quickly get up, seeing my bag on the floor beside me and grabbing it.

"What's wrong?" he asks and I start to panic. 

"Shit, shit, shit, he's gonna kill me, it's fucking 2 in the lord-forsaken morning!" I ramble to myself and Dean puts his hand on my shoulder, stopping me and effectively stopping time as it seemed.

"Hey, calm down, I can take you home dude," he says and I nod quickly. He grabs a pair of keys and leads me outside to a beautiful '67 Chevy impala.

I give him directions as he drives and thank him quickly before reaching over to open my door. He stops me and looks at me with worry.

"Are you okay? Who is 'he'? Why is he gonna be pissed?" he asks and I sigh.

"I uh.. I live with this guy.. He has a bit of a temper and um.. I sort of have a curfew," I say and he laughs at me. He fucking _laughs at me_. He stops when he realizes that I'm serious and frowns.

"So, is he like, your boyfriend or something? Because if he's abusing you-"

"Dear lord, no! He's my brother! Boyfriend? Ha! Like he could ever get a date," I say mostly to myself and Dean chuckles.

"Well, you might wanna be gettin' inside. Goodnight, Cas," he says and I furrow my eyebrows. Nobody has ever called me that before. It felt nice and sounded right on his tongue. 

"Uh, yeah.. Goodnight, Dean," I say and he leans over to place a kiss on my cheek. My face heats up and I start stuttering, fumbling with the door handle before finally getting it open.

"Umm.. yeah, uh.. G-Goodnight," I say before closing the door and quickly walking into my house. Well, my brother's house.

I close the door quietly behind me and sigh deeply. I drop my bag off on the couch and make my way to the kitchen. 

"Shit!" I yell when the light turns on and I turn to see Lucifer.

"You scared me," I say and breathe a bit heavily and he looks at me with a bored expression.

"Uh-huh, that's nice," he says and walks over. I flinch when he walks by me and furrow my eyebrows when he just walks towards the fridge to grab a beer. 

"Uh.... so... how was your-"

"Piss off," he interrupts me and walks out, heading to his room.

I was confused about why he hadn't yelled at me or anything because I was out so late or the fact that I didn't text or call at all. Strange. I drink a glass of water before turning off the light and head upstairs to my room. My head doesn't hurt as much and I feel a lot better. More relieved, I guess. 

I pull off my shirt and pants, pulling on a pair of sweats and lay down on my side, hugging an extra pillow. I sigh and close my eyes, falling asleep quickly. 

I wake up at six and couldn't fall back to sleep so I slip on a t-shirt and a hat before going outside, trying not to wake Lucifer. I go for a jog to the park and around Central before heading back home. It was around eight when I came back and I walked into the kitchen, seeing my brother in a pair of sleep pants and a woman with long black hair and hazel eyes wearing one of his shirts.

I just blink at them and Lucifer looks at me and glares. The woman turns to look at me as well in my sweaty, out-of-breathe state. I walk over to the fridge and don't question anything aloud, grabbing a bottle of water and chugging half of it.

"Excuse us for a moment," Lucifer speaks up and drags me into the living room with him, making me nearly spill my water.

"Who is that? Why is she here? Why is she wearing your shirt? No wait, better question. Do you have a girlfriend?" I start spitting out questions and he pops the side of my head.

"Shut up. No, I don't have a girlfriend. Hell if I know her name. It's obvious why she's here and why she's wearing my shirt so just skedaddle, kid, okay?" he says firmly and I roll my eyes.

"I'm not a kid. I'm twenty-three," I say and fold my arms. 

"Yeah, whatever, just go to your room or something, she'll be gone soon," he says and I sigh, walking upstairs to my room and closing the door.

I listened to music from my phone for a while before getting up and changing clothes into a pair of jeans and a blue plaid shirt. I put on my blue vans and grab my phone. I want to head over to Chuck's so I can talk to him. Its Sunday so he doesn't have any classes and I don't go to church anymore. Not since mum...

I clear my thoughts and head downstairs where Lucifer is thankfully fully-clothed and heading out the door. He turns and looks at me with a raised eyebrow, stopping his steps.

"I'm going to dad's," I state and push past him. He rolls his eyes.

"He's not our dad. Dad left when I was seven," Lucifer says mockingly and closes the door behind him as we both exit.

"Yeah, well, he's been like a father to me. A lot more than you've been a brother," I mumble the last part and he grabs my shoulder.

"What?" he asks and I yank my arm away.

"I said he's been more of a father to me than you've been a brother," I bark back and he growls.

"You're living in _my_ house, Castiel! Who raised you when mum died, huh? Not Gabriel, not Balthazar, not fucking Chuck, okay? I did! Because I care about you! So much, and you don't even see. I love you to death, Castiel. You're my baby brother. I have to protect you," he says fiercely, his voice becoming soft with the last words.

We stand in silence, staring at each other for a while. Just us two breathing and watching, waiting for the other to make a move.

"Can you drop me off?" I ask and he walks over to his truck, getting in. 

I take it as a yes and climb into the passenger's side, pulling my seat belt on after. We drive in silence and within a few minutes we're at Chuck's. There's silence as neither of us moves for a few moments.

"Lucifer, look, I'm sorry for what I said. I was just angry and confused. There's been a lot going on since mum-"

"Get out," he cuts me off and I sigh. 

I do as told and close the door, walking up to the door of Chuck's house. I hear Lucifer pull off and I knock. A few moments later Chuck answers the door and smiles, stepping aside to let me in.

"You know you can just come in, right, son?" he says and I laugh, adding a shrug and sitting on the couch.

"What's up?" he asks as he sits next to me. I shrug and lean my head back, staring at the ceiling.

"You let Dean take me to his home yesterday after I got knocked out," I say and he nods.

"He felt terrible. Wouldn't stop saying sorry. He offered to take you to his apartment so that he could make sure you were okay when you woke up," he says and I bite my lip.

"He kissed me," I blurt out after a bit and I look over at Chuck.

"I mean, it wasn't a kiss. Not a real one, anyway. It was a peck on the cheek. But he did," I add and look back at the ceiling. Chuck smiles and pats my leg before standing.

"Tea?" he asks,

"Lemonade," I respond and he nods, walking towards the kitchen.

"You know he asked me if you liked guys," Chuck says as he hands me my drink and I look up at him.

"And?" I ask and he smiles.

"What do you think I told him, goof? I told him yeah," he says and I slap his arm.

"I told you I don't want anyone-"

"Hey, look, it's just Dean. He like you and you like him, what's the harm?" he asks and I roll my eyes.

"Who says I like him, anyways? For all you know I could hate his guts," I say and he scoffs.

"Yeah, sure. You hate him. That's why you were staring at his muscles through his shirt, right," he says sarcastically and I slap his arm again, earning a laugh.

"Fine. I'm not mad at you for it. Just.. please don't tell anyone else," I say and he nods.

We talk for a while and I try to explain the feeling I had when I was around Dean or when he touched me but it was hard. It was indescribable and Chuck smiled right on through it. I decided it was time to go around twelve and started to head out the door.

"Need a ride?" he asks and I nod.

"Yeah, that'd be nice," I say and he grabs his keys, walking outside with me.

We climb into his car and he drives me back to my home. I smile at him and hug him. 

"Thanks, dad," I say without thinking and open the door halfway before stopping, realizing my mistake.

I swallow and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"I know you're dad left when you were a baby, Castiel, and I'm sorry. I tried to fill in that gap I just.. I guess I'm not really cut out to be a dad, according to your mother," I choke back tears at the mention of her and turn, hugging Chuck tightly.

"Thank you so much," I whisper. "Thank you for being my father figure, Chuck. I couldn't thank you enough for it.. Between mum and all the stuff happening with Lucifer I just.. Thank you," I say and he smiles sadly, patting my back.

"Run along, I have stuff to do," he says playfully and I smile, getting out and closing the door. 

I walk inside and see the couch turned over and beer bottles all over the floor, some smashed. I see Lucifer in the corner of the living room with his head in his hands. He looked like he was crying. I had never seen my big brother cry before. I always thought he was a solider. I thought he was immune to sadness. He didn't cry at mum's funeral, either, like the rest of us did. 

I cautiously walk over to him and sit down next to him, cross-legged. He has his knees up and pulled to his chest in a fetal position. He looks at me, tears running down his face. I almost gasp at it and he hugs me tightly. He squeezes me hard, crying onto my shoulder. I rub his back and wrap my arms around him.

"Hey, hey, its okay," I say and lift his chin so he's looking at me. "What's wrong?"

I immediately regret asking. I wished I had never even walked in. Maybe he would've never told me, then. I prayed I wasn't actually hearing what he just said. When he said it my heart shattered into pieces and I wanted to break down.

"Castiel, th-the doctor's diagnosed me with cancer."

My throat closed up and my mouth hung open as I stared at him. I began to cry with him. Clinging onto each other for dear life, we were both silent in the corner of the destroyed room. I breathed deeply and looked him in his eyes.

"You'll be okay. I promise, Lucifer-"

"I'm gonna die, Castiel-"

"No, no, no. Look at me, don't tell me that. Don't say that ever again. You're not gonna die just yet," I say and he shakes his head, crying harder.

"Why don't you go get a shower and lay down? I'll clean this up, okay?" I say and he nods. I stand and help him to his feet. He sniffs and wipes his cheek with his palms. 

"Yeah, okay," he says, his voice hoarse.

I watch him walk upstairs before I start picking up beer bottles and sweeping up the broken glass. I struggle to flip the couch upright for a few moments but I got it nonetheless. I sigh and walk upstairs to Lucifer's room where he's laying face-down on his bed. When he hears me come in he sits up and wipes his eyes.

"I'm scared, Castiel," he whispers.

"That's normal. Everyone gets scared," I say and sit next to him.

"Not me. I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to be this soldier for mum and ever since she died I just.. I've become weak. I cried so much the night after and I cried after her funeral when I locked myself in my room. I remember you and Gabriel thought I was just angry or something," he said and I looked at him.

"Gabriel and I thought that you were angry at yourself. We thought you were blaming yourself for it.. That you thought you could have stopped it somehow or hated yourself because you let it happen," I say and he laughs softly.

"I was. I was so angry. I don't know what I was, actually.. I was angry at myself, sad because she was gone. On top of that I had the weight of dad leaving on my shoulders.. I felt like that was my fault, too," he says and I shake my head.

"It wasn't, it couldn't have been," I say and he looks at me with a 'duh' face before it turns sad again.

"The night dad left I heard him yelling at mom, saying how he never wanted kids and that I was an accident anyways. He told her that ever since I was born he was depressed and hated his life because he had a child. He said that he wished I had never been born," he says and I frown, looking down.

"Do you know how much that hurts, Castiel? Having one you love say that they hate you?" he asks and I look at him quickly.

"You remember that time I told mum you were the one who broke the window? And you were really angry at me and didn't talk to me for a month. You said you never wanted to talk to me again. That hurt. A lot. I've always looked up to you, Lucifer. Whether you know it or not, I had always seen you as my role model and I still do. Why do you think I got that tattoo on my back? Or pierced my tongue in high school? I wanted so badly to be like my big brother. You were so cool in my eyes and I loved your rebellion but I was just too.. wimpy.. to be like that," I say and he smiles, hugging me.

"I love you, brother," he says and squeezes me tightly. 

My eyes widen and I smile widely, hugging him tightly. "I love you, too."

"You're gonna be okay. I know it. You're not gonna die any time soon, okay?" I say and he smiles sadly at me.

"I know.. They said uh.." he cleared his throat and leaned against the headboard of the king sized bed. "They said that if it gets bad I'll have to do chemo and lose my hair. Can you imagine me bald?"

I laugh lightly with him at that and get up at a knock on the front door downstairs. "I got it," I tell him and walk down, opening the door and being greeted by Dean.

"Oh- umm, hey, Dean," I say and smile up at him. He smiles cheekily back at me and holds out a pie.

"I brought you a I'm-sorry-I-Dropped-You-Apple pie," he says and I laugh, taking it from him.

"Thank you, Dean. Uh, you can come in if you want, just give me a sec."

He comes in and closes the door behind him. I put the pie in the kitchen and run upstairs quickly, going to Lucifer's room.

"Hey, uh.. I-I have a friend over so we'll be downstairs," I say and he smirks.

"Does Castiel have a girlfriend?" he asks and I almost laugh.

"Lucifer, no, you know I don't-" I stop when he looks confused. Did I not tell him?! Could he not tell by my fucking 5SOS and Chaining Tatum posters?!

"Don't..?"

"Lucifer, I'm gay. I like men," I say and he tilts his head.

"What?" he asks and I sigh.

"I'm gay. I'm attracted to males," I say and he's silent.

"Are you angry?" I ask and he scoffs.

"Castiel, why would I be mad at you for being who you are? I can't control what your sexual preference is. Besides, that's normal anyway. Gabriel's pansexual. It's okay, really. I don't care. You do you," he says and I smile.

"Well, then. I have a guy friend downstairs. And no, he's not my boyfriend," I say and he smiles before I close the door and walk downstairs. Dean's in the kitchen, looking through the cabinets and drawers.

"Looking for..?" I start and he looks up at me with a smile.

"Plates and forks," he says and I nod towards the far left cupboard and the middle drawer beside the sink. 

He grabs two of each and puts a piece of pie on both of the plates, handing me one after jabbing the fork in it. I laugh and sit on one of the stools on the island and take a big bite. 

"Mm, this is the best I'm-Sorry-I-Dropped-You-Apple pie I've ever had," I say and he smiles in victory, sitting next to me. Our elbows touch and I shift slightly.

"Sammy made it," he says and I nod.

"And that's the tall man I saw, right?" I ask and he nods.

"Sam is my little brother. Yeah, yeah, I know don't start talking about height. He's a friggin' moose," he grumbles and I laugh.

"Yeah, I'm working at my uncle's car shop to try and help pay for Sam to go to college. He wants to be a lawyer. Real smart, too. He can do it. I know he can. He's recently been interested in someone, too. He had a girlfriend a while back named Jess and she uh.. she died in a car crash," he says and I frown.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I say and he shrugs.

"Yeah, well... He took a while to get over it. Had nightmares about it a lot. He wouldn't sleep sometimes. Got mad at me if I let him doze off for a few minutes. He figured it was his fault because he asked her to go to the store to grab some beer," he says and I look at him intensely. 

There was a spark in his eyes when he talked about his brother and I could tell he loved him very much. His brother probably meant the world to him and it was amazing. I had wished Lucifer talked about me like that around his friends. Then again he probably doesn't tell them he has a family at all. I do know that one of his friends Crowley knows me because he came over a few times when I was home. Dean snaps his fingers in front of my face and I blush, looking back at the pie in front of me, taking another bite.

"Somethin' you like on my face or...?" he teases and I smile lightly, my face turning red. 

"He probably likes all of it," Lucifer says as he enters the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge.

"Go away!" I yell at him and he laughs, shaking his head.

"No can do, lil' bro. Doc says I'm on house arrest so I don't get sick. That means I have time to annoy you," he says and I roll my eyes.

"Dean, this is my dashing brother Lucifer, Lucifer this is Dean-"

"Your boyfriend?" Lucifer questions and I want to smack him upside the head so hard. My face is bright red and Dean smirks.

"No, ah, not yet anyways," Dean says and I look at him with my lips parted slightly and my eyes wide.

"Oooh lala," Lucifer says with a wink and I groan.

"I'm just teasing you, Cas," Dean says and pats my back. 

"Very reassuring, thanks," I say sarcastically and Lucifer eats a piece of pie straight out of the thing **(I have no clue what it's called help me)**  with a only a few bites and I scrunch up my nose.

"Nice," Dean says and high-fives him.

"You two are animals," I say and shake my head.

"Let me bond with my future brother-in-law, _Cas_ ," Lucifer says mockingly and I growl at him.

"Go away!" I yell and he laughs again.

"Fine, fine. Don't kiss or anything. This is a sanitary room," he says and I quirk an eyebrow.

"Says the one who was in here this morning with-"

"Shut your face!" he warns and I smirk.

"With a-"

"Castiel!" he yells.

"Slut," I finish and he growls.

"Come here!" he roars and starts chasing me. I can hear Dean's laughter from the kitchen and it makes my heart flutter.

Wrong moment to gush over him. Lucifer tackles me onto the floor and pins me down. He growls and I look over at Dean from around the corner in the hallway. Lucifer glances at him and I push him off, running over to Dean and hiding behind him.

"Save me!" I yell as Lucifer get up and turns towards us. He continues laughing and pushes me in front of him.

"Traitor!" I gasp and Lucifer goes to charge at me but he trips on the way and busts his nose.

"Shit, you okay?" I ask and he shakes his head.

I grab a couple of wet paper towels and hand them to him, which he presses against his nostrils.

"It's just a bloody nose, what's the big deal?" Dean asks and we both glare at him. He raises his hands in surrender and takes a step back.

"Has it stopped?" I ask after a few minutes and he nods, sighing. "Do you think you should have it checked out or..?"

"I'll be fine. Just because I... this.. this is happening.. doesn't mean you have to worry about me," he says and I shake my head.

"I've always worried about you, now get up," I say and help him to his feet.

Lucifer turns towards Dean and then me before smiling lightly and winking at him.

"Go take a nap or something, old man," I say and shove him playfully.

He rolls his eyes and walks upstairs to his room. I sigh and take a deep breathe. Arms wrap around my waist from behind and a chin rests on my shoulder. I turn my head to see Dean and my face heats up quickly. He smiles and stares at me for a while. I thought he was going to kiss me but he stood up and dropped his arms, walking back to the kitchen. I follow silently and finish my piece of pie.

We watch TV for a while and decide to head to the dance studio. I have a spare key so we go in and he smiles.

"I wanna try the dance again," he says and I look over at him.

"Pardon?" I ask and he smiles.

"I wanna try the dance again," he repeats and I nod.

I walk over and press play on the stereo before walking back over to him. He look me in the eyes and he's filled with determination as our feet start gliding across the floor in two different rhythms that connect together in perfect harmony. I focus on the music and my body movements and everything else but he and I disappeared. I loved when this happened. That's why I loved to dance. Because when I dance its just me and the music, you know?

When the dip comes up he doesn't drop me, instead brings me back up quickly as planned and spins me around before dipping me again. The song goes off and we stand there, me in his arms as he holds me up and leans over me. We're staring into each other's eyes and his flicker to my lips for a few moments before back up at me. Everything seems to slow down and I find myself feeling lost in green orbs of pureness. If I could see souls, I guarantee you that his would be the brightest green and would be humongous. It would cover everything and try to shield it from the dark.

He leans down and his lips connect with mine softly. My eyes flutter shut and I tilt my head slightly so there's more room and our noses aren't smashed on each other's faces. Seconds, minutes, and hours blurred together and it felt like eternity before we pulled away. I felt his breath on my face and his lips were slightly parted. My eyes were still closed and I couldn't seem to bring myself out of the trance he lured me into. 

He stood up straight, bringing me with him, and dropped his hands. He took in a deep breath as we stared at each other and I swallowed thickly. 

"Wow..." I breathe out and he smiles.

"Yeah.. wow.." he says and it's silent. Only for a moment. He speaks up again. "Do you wanna go to my place or..."

"I.. I can't," I say and take a step back. "I-I-I have to go."

I rush out, ignoring him calling my name. I run towards home, him being my ride there. I hadn't had a car because mum had said she would get me one for my sixteenth birthday but she died a few years too early. I never bought one. Don't know why. I burst through the door, panting. I slam it shut and run upstairs. 

"Castiel, hey- what's wrong?" Lucifer asks as he sees the tears running down my face. 

I ignore him calling my name over and over as I shut my bedroom door and lock it, sliding down it.

I fucked up. I shouldn't have let Dean kiss me. I shouldn't have kissed him back. I shouldn't have a crush on him, dammit. I've ruined everything. What would mum think of me? I cry like I had never cried before and shook my head. I screwed everything up. Dean's never gonna wanna see me again. I shouldn't have let him kiss me. It's what they all do. They let me get attached and then they fucking leave. That's why I'm so scared about Lucifer right now. I've lost dad, mum, and Ezekiel. Ezekiel. That son of a bitch that left me. Broke me. Shattered me into millions of tiny pieces. I don't wanna lose Lucifer. I don't wanna lose Dean. I'm tired of losing people.

I hear a soft knock on my door and frown.

"G-Go away," I sniff and stiffen at the response.

"Castiel, Lucifer called me. He said you went somewhere with Dean and then came back crying. You've been up here for an hour," Chuck's voice comes through the door and I stand.

I unlock it and open it, hugging him tightly. I sob onto his shoulder as he pats and rubs my back, trying to calm me down so that he can ask what happened. 

"Hey, hey, you're okay. Did he hurt you?" he asks and I shake my head, sniffing and wiping my eyes.

"He kissed me. It was a real kiss. On the lips," I say and he furrows his eyebrows.

"Isn't that good?" he asks and I shake my head.

"No, it's not. I'm gonna lose him, Chuck. Everyone I love disappears. My dead-beat father. Mum. Ezekiel. Lucifer has cancer. Cancer, Chuck. Ho-How does that happen?" I cry and he frowns.

"Dean isn't going to leave you, Castiel. He loves you. I can see it in his eyes, son. And Lucifer isn't gonna leave you anytime soon. Neither am I," he says and I take a deep breathe. 

"I don't know if I'm ready for another relationship, Chuck. I'm still shaken up about Ezekiel and Lucifer didn't even know he was my boyfriend. He didn't know I was gay until today," I say and he sighs.

"It's all gonna work out," he says with a smile and hugs me one more time. 

~

"Talk to Dean, he's only human you know,"  Lucifer says as he hands me the phone.

I hand it back and roll over, away from him in bed.

"Hey, Dean. Yeah it's Luci again. Cas won't get out of bed. He still doesn't wanna talk to anyone. He hasn't eaten in three days and hasn't left his room besides to use the bathroom in two weeks," Lucifer says into the phone. I cringe and close my eyes.

"Hm? Yeah, okay, hold on," he says and puts Dean on speaker.

"Cas, c'mon. Just because we kissed one time doesn't mean you get to ignore me," he says angrily and Lucifer quirks an eyebrow. I hadn't told him about that. I hadn't told him anything at all for the past two months. I refused to talk to anyone. Not even Chuck.

"Look, I love you, okay? Please don't hurt me like this.. I've been broken before and you were just starting to bandage me up, man. I can't take this kind of emotional pain anymore, Cas. Please. Please, just a few words," his voice comes through the phone and I bite my lip.

"You don't think I'm broken, too? I lost my mom and my dad by the age of thirteen, Dean. My brother has fucking cancer and I got my entire heart and soul shattered by some douche bag who I thought I loved only a year ago. I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I'm sorry, Dean. I'm beaten and bruised, too. Deal with it," I say and get up, shoving Lucifer out of my room. I close the door and lock it, ignoring him scolding me for it.

I still wasn't talking to anyone. That was the last time I did before Lucifer got put into the hospital and starting doing chemo treatments. The cancer had gotten severely worse and he lost his hair quickly. I stayed in his hospital room most of the time, only leaving to get food. I stayed in that chair beside his bed every single second I could and I cherished it because he was holding onto his life by a string that the doctors were trying not to cut. I talked to Lucifer all of the time. We talked about our childhood memories and thing we used to do with mom. He told me about how dad was like. He apologized for everything he had ever said or done to me that would hurt me. I did the same. Lord knows I've said some stupid shit.

He died on September 26, 2015. I hadn't ever cried as much as I did when I was asleep in the hospital and woke up to a nurse telling me he had just died. Right there in the same room with me. I saw Balthazar and Gabriel at the funeral. I hadn't seen them in a few years. It was nice. Chuck came. He invited Dean. Dean brought Sam along with him. Gabriel and Sam talked together for a while. Dean kept staring at me and mouthing 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you'. Chuck told me to kiss him, hug him, hit him, talk to him. Just do something. Acknowledge his presence. Love him. 

Chuck's shoulder was soaked by the time the funeral was over because I had been crying on it the entire time. Lucifer was my big brother and at times, yeah, he was a jerk. But he was my jerk. That's what brothers do. They pick on each other. They mess with each other. They say things they don't mean and they love each other through it all. I remember the last words he said to me. I didn't get it at the time. But now I do.

"The string is gonna cut, Castiel. I love you."

He said that to me the night before... what happened. I didn't know what he meant. I was so confused and tired. I fell asleep. And then woke up to.. that. Now I know he was referring to when I told him that his life was a string and the doctors were either gonna cut it or repair it with a thick rope. It made him smile when I said it. I miss his smile. A lot. 

I ended up talking to Dean about a month later. I had gotten over mourning Lucifer's death and gotten over my selfishness. He took me to dinner. It was fun. When he dropped me off he kissed me. I kissed him back. And I couldn't have asked for more from him at the time.

**Author's Note:**

> #sorrynotsorry


End file.
